Are You Just Going To Stand There And Die?

Yesterday.

28th March, 2009.

One hour.

8:30 pm to 9:30 pm.

The world. [Or so they claimed]

Lights out.

Earth Hour.

First off, let me give a huge shout out to the Earth Hour group for doing their bit to try and save Earth. Getting so many people to religiously take part across the globe! Although, all it seems like is 60 minutes, 60 minutes multiplied by the number of people taking part amounts to a whole lotta sixty! And eventually, ensures that much more longevity for us as LIVING beings. So, keep it up, Earth Hour!

However...as you know, there's always something else coming. Lol.

Now, as much as I love the environment, our planet, our hope for a long existence and all that green talk...I couldn't help but see that the way we go about this great idea is hypocritical, farcical and almost gimmicky.

And no, I don't mean that the Earth Hour group is responsible for any of those things. Like I said earlier, they're doing their bit in uniting the world in an effort to save itself. And kudos to them for doing that! It's a fine idea, and at least they're doing SOMETHING instead of NOTHING. So, good on them!

But, what I mean is that the rest of the world. Us. It's our job to make it something meaningful after that. But, we're pathetic people. Why can't we do it everyday? On our own? All these corporations using it as a publicity gimmick for the most part. The true significance lost somewhere in the darkness of it all. Funny, isn't it? That the world needs some ONE person, group, or organization to set a day, an hour of a day, for the rest of the world and tell them to try and save their planet and themselves, watt by watt. And yet, there's a HUGE number of people who look the other way and couldn't care less, despite that! It's almost as if we need constant mothering no matter how old we are. Can't we all see how bad our situation as a race is? Can't we all see how fast we're depleting our resources and destroying our planet? We read all these articles, watch all these movies, discuss these issues, and yet once that's all done, we continue adding to the toxicity with even more ferocity?

What?! Why?! How?

How can we be SO self absorbed and yet not care about ourselves at all?

It's almost as if, we couldn't care less. Couldn't care less that our atmosphere is slowly disappearing. Couldn't care less that our world is overheating. Couldn't care less that in our efforts to keep working for the future, we're overlooking the present, and thus, may not even have that future! Couldn't care less that our children, and others will have to pay for the mistakes we're making. How convenient. How inconvenient.

Why am I so worked up despite Earth Hour, you ask? Well, apart from the glaring fact that our planet is deteriorating almost too fast to save at the rate we're going, because, last night, between the hours of 8:30 pm & 9:30 pm, nothing changed. My neighbourhood was as brightly lit as it would be on any other non-Earth-Houry day. Even the bus stand booths had their bright white lights on, and that's Government property! There were barely any 'black spaces' between the rows and columns of the whites and yellows on each building. I also realized that those who bother participating in Earth Hour, once it's over, continue with their exorbitant and detrimental lifetyles. Whatever little we accomplished in that fruitful one hour, was barely of any use at all. So, as I gazed outside from the blackness of my room, I felt a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach, a feeling of impending doom, and it wasn't just because my house was the darkest it has ever been in a long time. I realized a terrible and unavoidable truth.

We're all murderers, masochists, suicidal & have an evident deathwish.

Yeah, you can laugh all you want, but, it's true...look at it! Look at us! There are LOADS of people who couldn't even sacrifice electricity/power for ONE HOUR. 'Just 60 minutes', right? Isn't that what you said? Well, even then it was too much for you all, wasn't it? If that's the case, and it is, then what hope do we have in the long run? If we can't do the little things, how on Earth can we expect larger results? Obviously, there are still lots of you who still don't see the need to worry, or remedy the situation we're in. What on Earth, whatever's left of it, are you dimwits waiting for?! MORE Incentive??

How much more? How much more incentive do you need? How much more will you keep pushing the limits?

I'll tell you what, there's no way I can list out everything that will go wrong/wrong-er, and explain in-depth, how badly we're F&*^#d! Not unless this post goes on for a few pages. Or unless I rename this blog the Earth Files. So, why don't we do this. Lets say you guys can keep doing what you are. No, seriously. Keep up those toxic emissions, the pollution, the excessive power and resource use. Let the glaciers and ice caps melt down. Let the fresh water and salt water ratio get blown out of proportion. Let the ocean levels rise and the ocean currents system get thrown off. We can live with New York City, Calcutta, Australia and South America's periphery, submerged beneath the rising sea, yes? Bring on the ever-approaching ice age, The deserted lands, the deaths! Lets say, we let it all just happen, with the help of your contributions, of course. I wouldn't want to take away credit where it's due! -.-

Lets say, we get 'globally warmed'. Basically, lets say we let the temperatures rise by 4 degrees. That's right, ALL THAT, just because of 4 ºC. Once that happens, life won't be much different from death anymore.

Still confused? Let me show you an article. No, it's not exactly another one of those 'what will happen and why we shouldn't live like we do' articles, but in fact, it's a guide of sorts to living in a much warmer world. Oh did I say living? Make that SURVIVING in a warmer world. Because very soon, the question won't be how we should live, but if we'll even live, to begin with. So, since we're all on the path to a world affected by global warming, I suggest we read this article and brace ourselves for the drastic change that's inevitably approaching our stubborn world population. Since you don't wish to change and we're all so hell bent on ruining ourselves, I guess we'll all just have to learn to live--I mean survive with the change. We've reached a point where we can no longer think of prevention but survival...A point where if the wars and terrorism don't kill us, this definitely will!

So, take a look at this ARTICLE. So, you'll know what you're up against.

Take a look at this MAP. So, you'll know what you'll be drawing for your next few geography classes. You may find a few more deserts.

Oh and take a look at this other MAP. So, that you can take a closer look at where you may want to travel in the coming years. Because, yeah, destinations will look a lot different. Don't be afraid to zoom in. Then again maybe you should be.

And hey! While you're at it, rent or get yourself the DVD of Al Gore's 'An Inconvenient Truth' and watch it.

Not into documentaries, fine, get yourself the movie 'The Day After Tomorrow' and watch that. It may be a little exaggerated but, it gives you a quick enough idea.

And then tell me...Are you honestly 'cool' with all that?

I seriously hope not.

So wake up! We've gone way past the stage where we were supposed to be 'aware'. And the world STILL isn't even aware enough! So if this helped you wake up, wake someone else up, and someone else, and so on, because, trust me, this is one disaster NO ONE can sleep through.

Would you be willing to live that way? I mean, as you can see, and you've probably, heard or read before, life after all our various "contributions" and "developments" will be a lot different from that we are used to now. So, the question is are you up for that? Not that asking ourselves that will be an option, after a while. Soon, we won't even have a choice. Soon all we'll have is the new and far from improved lifestyle. And no amount of Earth Hours will be able to save us then. In fact, there wouldn't be enough Earth Hours left, to begin with, anyway. In a while, all we'll have left is just one big, long, everlasting Earth Hour. Lights out for good, anyone?

But hey, it's no big deal right? So, why don't we all, just read this, feel upset for a bit, and then forget as we leave for the mall, work, or school and continue living in our little bubble of ignorance, till that dark time, shall we?

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My blogtrack, you ask? Well, can't you hear it already? Listen. Listen to the wind. Listen to the waves. Listen to your steady heart beat. The blood rushing through your veins. Listen and feel. For that is the ultimate song. The song and sound of life itself. Listen. Can you hear it? Listen. Now save it.

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On a slightly lighter note, as there always is one, why don't you all give this Earth Hour Game a shot before heading out to save the world. But make it quick!

PS - Thanks, Esperanca! x)
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Jai Whoa!

Haha! No way!

While Slumdog Millionaire and A. R. Rahman raping the 2008 Academy Awards, was pretty much one of India's biggest highlights of the year so far, I think this other 'latest development' makes for some uhh rather strange new headlines altogether: The Pussycat Doll's version of one of the songs on the movie by Rahman, titled 'Jai Ho'. That's right, PCD takes a bollywood style of approach to their latest single. I'm not so sure I can attribute it being such a hit and all to much work by the Dolls, themselves, if it's the tune you're into, as it's still mostly Rahman and the original song, other than a set of steamy, bordering on disturbing [if you know and compare it to what the original song meant] new lyrics. But I guess if you like the new meaning it brings[ =\], in a way, then you can thank the Dolls. Depends why you like it really. [More on what I think of it, is around the end of this post.] Why I thought it was blogworthy, though, was mostly because it has got to be one of the most, well, interesting musical partnerships, I have seen till date. And this is counting Asha Bhosle and Brett Lee a while back. ;P

Also, and I never got to say this earlier, so I'll just say it now: I'm super proud of India and how we're finally proving ourselves to be the talented and kickass power nation that we're meant to be. Even if, in this case, it's only in the music [yeah the song is weird, but hey A R and PCD who woulda' thunk? :P] and entertainment industry so far. Because, it's still a start. And a big one at that! Academy Awards for A. R. Rahman [& Gulzar] and Resul Pookutty. Now, that's hot!

However, this doesn't mean that I'm saying that the AAs & Hollywood are the ULTIMATE, even though they're pretty far ahead in some ways, and that Bollywood is nothing in comparison and all that rubbish. So, loyalists, don't bother attacking your own teammate, here. We deserve to be just as recognized, many of our films are pretty damn brilliant. But, the fact is that, the perception tends to be that Hollywood is the benchmark. Not only for Bollywood, but for all other countries and their films. And I must admit, in a big way, that's deservedly so. I LOVE Hollywood films and they really do raise the bar, and exploit all aspects of technology and talent for their benefit. And that's the formula for their success really! PLUS THEY'RE IN ENGLISH. Lol. So, Taking all that into account, perception-wise et al, we did pretty damn awesome for ourselves and basically went to Hollywood to say: "That's right, bitches, we're here too!", is all I'm saying. I mean, I can't help but wonder, if the film would have been considered for the nominations if Danny Boyle and gang hadn't directed it. So, next time, lets try and get there and ahead all by ourselves. Get internationally recognized, more than we're already starting to, even if we don't go to the oscars. I may be an Indian and a Bollywood fan as well, but that doesn't mean I turn a blind eye to the fact that Bollywood also needs to start realizing it's true, untapped potential.

Though, I must say of late, it has. They've started showing some pretty amazing films that can match up to one from Hollywood [because accept it or not, they rule the big screen for now, and justifiably so, in many ways, like I mentioned earlier] and hopefully soon be able to rival it like CRAZY as well! Starting by changing their name! Why make it rhyme with Hollywood? I prefer calling it the Indian Film Industry, like most of our stars, honestly. And that's good enough for now, I guess. Lol =) Anyways, we should and can give more of a competition, and not in hindi, because the language barrier comes in the way and subtitles and dubbing can only get you so far. Plus, we can't really compare our kind of movies to theirs that way. It's a whole different concept. And it would be unfair to. Because in that case, all our movies are...Musicals! xD That's how I like to look at it, at least. A lost art, which we keep alive! Lol. But what I meant was, english films but by Indians, about India or anything, with our actors or not, but BY our Indians YES! Like Gurinder Chadha's Bend it Like Beckham, Mira Nair's The Namesake etc. Maybe even Hinglish like Slumdog Millionaire and Monsoon Wedding! And I'm not saying "lets kick Hollywood ass, man" and all, but I'm saying lets get globally recognized as well, and collaborate like we're starting to with other film industries! Start performing on the world stage instead of just on a regional one! =) So, I'm hoping we see this soon enough and that good things for us on the world stage don't stop with Slumdog Millionaire, but that they'll be catalysed by it!

Though, really, this is turning into a whole other giant discussion in itself, and I can't do justice to it right now, as this post was supposed to be a quick one! So, don't bother telling me my argument is crap, 'coz, firstly, it isn't :P and secondly, I didn't have the time today to go into it all much. Sorry! But, please, do feel free to share your opinions on the song and our various film industries and let me know what you think, as you're obviously supposed to! ;)

Overall, I'm extremely glad that A. R. Rahman has been appreciated for the maestro that he is, and this collaboration with the Pussycat Dolls, is kinda awesome news! xD May there be more brilliance to come from our country and may it not only be in the entertainment arena! And you know what screw 'may', there WILL be more brilliance to come from our very own 'bhaarat'! Because we CAN, we just have to WANT to! ;) Good on you, Rahman, Sir! And what more can I say, except for, Jai Ho!

As for my verdict on the song, itself, it's nothing spectacular really, I mean it's tune is the same, so no difference, except for the um lyrics. Nothing I'm going crazy for. I'm quite happy with the original, as it's not like it lacked energy or this cover added much. Pretty much the same. Nothing great. Except that they managed to pervert something so pure and inspirational. It was creepy listening to such a different grind-worthy version of an originally classy, song about perseverance and victory! Jai "Hoe" anyone? =\ *sigh* But, it'll still be a hit, no doubt.



Blogtrack (In case you didn't already guess by now xP) : Jai Ho (You Are My Destiny) - Pussycat Dolls<--- Link 1 [Only audio, but works for sure in all regions. The official music video is 'Link 2', but may not work in certain regions.] Also, if you're interested in the lyrics, click here.

Link 2 ---> Here's the link to the official music video: Jai Ho (You Are My Destiny) - PCD


Enjoy!

Let me know what you think, though!

Until next time, Kaylias out! x)

This Side Up

So, it's been a while. A funny while. Not because life's been something to laugh about so far. Oh no. Definitely no. But, because seeing my previous post and reading through what the wildly optimistic and hopeful me had to say about it, while comparing how my NEW year's gone and been going, made me laugh. Not a hearty joyous laugh, but a hollow sarcastic one. It started out on a pretty great note with AC Milan and Ace, our new puppy ushering in the new year with us. And then without warning, life changed tracks, more like got derailed off the one it was on, for no apparent reason! And we...I...took a tumble for the worst. And I'm still falling. Falling long, and despite the lack of a bottom surface so far, I'm falling hard. Been falling for over a month and a half now. Barely enjoyed half a month of my supposed 'Year of the Kaylias'. Hah. 

It started with my terrible health and speed bumps in my regular college and teenage life due to that.  And then as if the rest of my life wasn't irksome enough already, the sudden, unexpected and untimely passing of one of the most amazing and influential people in my life. A teacher, a friend and more importantly as good as family. Mrs. Etta D'Souza, Ma'am. She had been ill for a while, and as usual the medical teams here just don't seem to do justice to their degrees on the wall. But, the bright side for her was that she passed soon and God took her into His arms before she had to suffer any longer. She was an angel before she passed and there's no doubt she continues to be one. Mr. Mario, Sir, was pretty much shattered. As we all were, pretty much beyond repair. She had touched so many lives! Especially mine and, more so, my younger sister, Disha's. She was her first grade class teacher and pretty much breathed life into her. She sowed the initial seeds that had Disha sprout into the creative, comic "pataka" [firework] of a person that she is now. Ma'am was a super friend. And we were all a lot closer than people knew. And they didn't have to know. Just because one has a facebook doesn't mean that every aspect and event that takes place in their lives needs to be broadcast for the world to see [Anyway, I digress]. The last time we had met Ma'am was when she and Sir had come over to our place on Diwali, around the end of October 2008. It was a brilliant evening as usual, with Ma'am and Sir's hilarious jokes and anecdotes. We laughed and laughed till they drove back home. And oddly enough that evening dad wanted us all to click pics with Ma'am and Sir. They've been coming over since we were kids, and it had been a while since we clicked pictures. However, I'm glad dad asked us to pose, for that was sadly the last time we ever saw Ma'am again. At least the last time mom, dad and I did. Disha may have seen her in school. After that it was just calling her on the phone and having those famous multiple hour long chats. =) She always knew how to make anyone burst out laughing. Be it a joke about someone else or even themselves! You just couldn't stop yourself. Laughter and fun was inevitable with her. And a lot of that will be missing in our lives without her. May she rest in peace and keep God happy up there like I know she will. He probably really missed having her around. =) Love you, Ma'am. You'll remain in our hearts and memories forever and longer. Till we meet again. <3

...And then...Before any of us had any time to properly grieve for Etta Ma'am we had yet another tragedy strike us. There were complications with Ace. Are, in fact. That by itself is a long, depressing and complicated story, but in short: He was said to be possibly ill as his mom was, and as a result some of his litter mates too, so was taken to be tested and if need be "treated". After that we never saw or heard from the breeder [who took him] again. It's been a month now. Still no word. And it feels like it's been so much longer.

I am not going to go into any more detail about and beyond that. 

Why, you ask? Well, firstly, the most obvious reason: It's too damn hard. I'm all out of tears and I'm out of answers. I've gone over this way too may times in my head and each time the answer's the same. Nothing adds up. I most certainly don't deserve this. And neither does Ace. The price for someone else's lapse in judgement is being payed by the innocent. Yet again. 

And secondly: Because the case still isn't closed. And I'm still hoping. No matter how slim the odds. I'm still holding on. Barely but still.

I've been going through a lot of crap for the past few years [from my health, to people, to family to SO MUCH MORE I can't possibly mention for this isn't supposed to be a sad site], lots of it I haven't mentioned because I am not one to complain, which isn't always the best thing, but that's just how I'm wired. Now, I know that bad things happen to everyone and I'm not saying that your problems are any less than mine, and I am certainly not comparing mine to the world's. But, everyone has a right to worry about their own problems. And just because others may have worse problems, I too have a right to grieve or worry over mine, for they are mine to be. And once you've been through the seemingly endless tunnel of crap I have been in for the past few years , you'll see that it's about time I stopped with the "Why not me?" attitude and finally adopted the "Why me?!" one. Lol, seriously. You may not believe me, but it's true. Yet, through it all, I've had some time to reflect and I think I'm gonna...still go with the whole "guess it's all part of life" thing, even if I don't believe it as much now. 

Some people may think this as ignoring problems, and faking joy. But, it's not, it's battling them and those people are just stupid. It's a lot easier to be a cynic than it is an optimist in this world. Just remember that. Whining is really easy, just see things for how bad they are and say it out loud. Simple. But, seeing how bad something is, spotting the way out of it all and finding a light in a black hole, now that's the true achievement. And don't for a second think I'm just sugar coating it and don't know what the heck I'm talking about. 'Coz if anyone does, I do. I've been on both sides of the fence. The good and the bad. I've tried being that cynic too. Seemed simpler than trying and fighting anymore. And it's not a great place to be at all. In fact, I slipped into cynicism for quite a bit due to my recent problems, and just decided to revert to my optimistic ways, as I was getting nowhere but further down. All you do is bury yourself deeper and most of the time you piss people off way too much to have anyone even bother to lend you a helping hand anymore. I tried that route once. It seemed simple enough, only because, you're already always disappointed so no more disappointment can come your way. But, it does nothing in helping solve the problem. So if you wanna stay bitter, be my guest.

But, if you don't...snap out of it! And get your angry, hopeless butt off your pity chairs! It's time you did something for yourself. Higher powers, if they exist, can't do it all! And accepting the wrong in your life is the first most important step. Figure out what the problem is or problems are, and then you're on your way. I wrote this post as my form of realization and awakening. You can probably see the trend change or so, if you look close enough. Sick of life, but still looking to fight sort of a thing. Unwilling but not a defeatist yet. Lol.

So, you're in hell. Okay, so am I. Now, in order to get out we have to go THROUGH hell too. So a little way longer and then you're home free! But, wake up and press the pedal first, only then will you eventually end up zipping off towards the horizon and beyond.

You see, the point of my post is not to gather sympathy and 'aww's from you lot. I learnt something from these two tragedies. After all the pain and anger started to clear a bit and I began to accept what was happening, I learnt something. We're all living for death anyway, no matter what we do. We all seem to begin for an end. At some point in our lives, we're all going to burn out whether we like it or not. And if there's one quote I really like and believe in it's Kurt Cobain's "It's better to burn out than to fade away." It really is. Since the light has to go out eventually, either way. I'd like to go out with a bang, given the choice. I don't want to be just another candle. I want to be one which ends like a firecracker! Because, everyone is a light. Everyone. But very few shine. And I want to shine on. Even after my light goes out. 

I know Etta Ma'am and Ace both did [Even though, if God listened to me, Ace still hasn't really gone yet and will come back to us =)]. And I'm pretty sure they don't regret much at all, if anything. Etta Ma'am lived a full, complete life with the little time that she had and impacted the lives of those around her a much greater deal than many of us do given an entire lifetime! She changed people for the better. I can attest to that and I know loads more people who can too. 

As for Ace, that guy gave so much love and joy to everyone he was with. He really lived for the moment and was one of the most good natured and amazing dogs I've ever seen and will ever see, I'm sure of that. I just wish we had more time with him and I hope that he enjoyed and loved the time he spent with us too, 'coz I know I did. So much. And there's no way I'm keeping another dog. At least definitely not any time soon. He was my ideal concept of a dog. Ever since I was a kid, I had wanted my 'perfect labrador named Ace'. And when Ace came he gave that dream a face and a personality. He gave it a completeness and a reality. And I'll never ever be able to replace it, or even see myself with another "perfect dog" of mine. For, no matter what happens when anyone says dog, I'll see his doleful eyes and innocent expression, and there's no way I can ever see any other dog in his place, not for a long long time, possibly never ever again. I hope to God that he isn't really gone but, at the same time, I have to learn to accept that in all probability with the condition we've been told he has and the way he's been taken from us, the odds are very slim. And no matter how hard it is, I have no choice but to move on and relish his memory. 

If only every corner and item in this house wasn't a constant reminder of him. If only we could mess with our memories and keep the ones which didn't hurt so much. Because, no matter how much we say that the memories "keep them alive", they also keep us haunted by them. And in some cases, it's just not cool.  

Anyway, they really lived it up, in the best way they could! And though some of you are laughing at the fact that I'm using a dog as an example, all I can say is that: well, that just proves that either you've never really had a dog or that even if you did you haven't been lucky enough to share that awesome owner-pet bond yet. 

Life is truly unpredictable. Sometimes scarily so. And at any point we could lose the ones we care about so much or they could even lose us. So, instead of becoming mindless drones and followers, why don't we all take a leaf out of Ma'am and many others' books, and blaze our own trail. Why don't we take control of living instead of whining about things we can't control, like life itself. Make the best of every moment, day and opportunity, because, trust me you're fortunate to be given it, even if it doesn't seem that way to you at that point. And if you feel like doing something different form everyone else, then go do it! Provided you're not doing any harm to yourself or others of course, but you get what I mean. You don't need your peers and friends approval for being who you are and living your own life the way you want to! And if they don't approve, then they were never your true friends to begin with anyway. But, yet again I digress and that's a whole new post I'll be writing. Lol. 

So, let yourself free, and tell the people who mean the world to you how they feel whenever you can and feel like it, because you'll never know when you'll never get to it again, and if you worry about how some of them may react or how you'll look, don't. Trust me everyone likes to know how awesome they are and that they are loved. So you can never go wrong there. ;) This life is way too fast and confusing and the best way to get through it is to stay true to yourself and those around you. And if I didn't do it enough earlier, I know I will now. 

Most importantly, stop letting the little things get to you. The trivial things that just annoy and serve no other purpose, let them go! Stop procrastinating, and go do whatever it is you have been wanting to do. You say I'm waiting for the right time. Well, there will never ever really be one, so just book that next flight and go see that country you wanted to. Buy that bag you've been eyeing for years. Hug that person you love so much and thank them for being so awesome all the time. Start writing that book you think will take ages to get done, if you don't start how will you finish? And SO MUCH MORE!!! Just get out there and LIVE! With certain limits on yourself of course, the sane kind, but you know what I mean. Don't over crowd yourself to a point where life is a burden. If you don't love what you're doing, you're better off not doing it in the long run. Trust me. 

So, take this moment, like I have, to reassess your life. And not so much as to see how much you have wasted but to see how you can remedy the situation and make up for lost time. Because it's never too late to right a wrong! But it can be too late to have another chance to do so. So, wake up now, if you haven't already and make your bucket list/life list. What is it that you have always wanted to do! No one says you can't do it along with your daily responsibilities. No matter how tiny the wish or how big. Start, and work towards it. You'll see what I mean, when you get that smirk and feeling of fulfillment that you get when you cross off an item on your list thinking "Yeah, I actually did it!" So get on off this blog page and pull out your writing pad. Make that list and get to ticking! And while you do all that remember to never stop hoping and believing, because, that's your first step to taking off! Remember people, make it count! Think about it, if you [God forbid] had to go tomorrow, can you confidently say that you LIVED? Can you go without regrets? If the answer's no, don't panic. Just take a step back, change and MAKE IT COUNT! 

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Also, you can start off by being a better person. You see all the world problems and think: "I wish I could do something!" Well, here's good news. You can! It's nothing major right off, but it's a start and you can do it from your very own room, while you're online! And what's more, in the long run it not only makes a big difference to the world, but to you as well! 

www.freerice.com

Feeding the poor and less fortunate, is just a click away! Seriously. It's a reliable site that has sponsors donate 10 grains of rice to the UN WorldFP for every correct click. Pick a subject and answer multiple choice questions based on it. Be it Vocabulary, or some of the other subjects there. And you can track your progress if you chose the option. So get smarter and make a kid a lot fuller. =) I've already donated thousands and thousands of grains and am continuing to do so, everyday! It makes me feel great! It's fun and you actually do something good. So go ahead and join this amazing cause! Be a part of the change you all demand!

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So, with that I'd like to wish you all Good luck and a Happy Rebirthday! =) The least we can do is to try and get back on track, we owe it to ourselves and the life we've been given. Here's to making it count! It won't be easy, but giving up isn't nearly as much fun. Besides, since we're already down, going up is the only way out right? I hope. Lol. 

So, as for it still being the 'Year of the Kaylias', perhaps? Haha, I don't know about all that, but, it's worth a shot. I guess unless we try, we'll never really know for sure. So here's to nothing...yet everything!

Peace out!

Blogtrack: The End Where I Begin - The Script

[These ends, in a way, can be a rebirth for us. Let us begin.]

Note: Despite the tone of this post, I admit, I'M NOT FINE. I'M NOT FINE AT ALL. NOT EVEN CLOSE. AND NEVER SAID I WAS. I'M VERY MUCH IN HELL. BUT, WHAT I AM SAYING IS THAT, I'M GOING TO FIGHT ON. And hopefully in the end I will be fine. Hopefully. What about you?

The Year Of The Kaylias?

And another year draws to a close. Nope, I won't look back on it. I don't want to. And not because everyone says, looking back is for wallowers, because, I believe that sometimes looking back is what helps us move forward eventually. Sometimes. The reason I won't look back, though is because, it wasn't that awesome. Not like my 2005 summary, anyway. 2008 was hardly a year I want to relive, in reality or on paper. Except for summer '08 and a few events thereafter, that is. Now THAT was awesome! Apart from that, though...lets just say, I just can't wait to wake up from the nightmare of '08 with the new year's alarm! Yes, THAT bad.

Now, I've never been this excited to usher in the next 365 and a quarter days of my life! And this time, I plan on planning it out a whole lot better. I'm picturing my slate of deeds up with the Lord to be wiped clean, or his MS word page to be backspaced entirely, whichever you prefer. [Though, somehow I've always seen God as more of a simple traditionalist, mocking our attempts at advancing our technology, for no real need, while he times our D-Day with great sorrow.] Aah, anyhoo, I drift. So, yes, my slate/document wiped clean and the heaviness above me replaced with pure oxygen of the mind and soul and on the 1st, I wake up and take it all in! My to-do list finally given a fresh take, and I may just get it all done this time! Actually, scratch that! I WILL get it all done this time! The same people, same dreams, same world...but, a new approach, new chance, and new beginning. Now, that's a NEW year!

This whole concept, though...Overhyped, mayhaps? Just a change in the date on the calendar? Well lets look at it this way, then. Some people are going through a real bad phase in life and if there was no clear cut definition of time and markings on a calender to help arrange moments in slots, then the phase would seem to have no end and psychologically, it's exhausting. However, drop in that whole, "it's a new year, a new start and a new hope" and you got yourself a billion happier people! They see it as a chance to start afresh, continue with the new, and just leave out all the rest [Linkin Park reference NOT intended.]! So, don't hate, appreciate, foo! If you don't see the point, then just continue like it's any other new month or day, don't ruin it for those people who find significance or another reason to partay all night long! xD

I'm really looking forward to the days after tonight. I mean, I've really got a super long life list or bucket list and I intend on ticking them ALL off as soon as possible! I also found that I have been happiest towards the end of this year. I've had a great last week or so and feel on top of the world. Resurrected almost. I've rediscovered my purpose, aim and plan in life and am ready to chase after my dreams again! It's a wonderful feeling, getting geared up to chase after your dreams. I'm sure we've all been through it at least once in our lives, yes? I hope so at least. But, if you haven't, make sure you experience it soon!

At first, upon realization of your ambitions and what you really want at that point, it's this feeling of total calmness, serenity and peacefulness with yourself, your life, and no longer is there any hatred, disappointment or irksome source anywhere! You're suddenly liberated and feel almost spiritually higher than everyone else around you. Like you know something awesome that they don't, but they just wish they knew! Then the insane amount of adrenaline kicks in! You can't wait to just race on home and get out your notepad and write strategies away furiously or to talk to that person you share that special bond with! The problems you had yesterday are no longer an issue, 'coz you have bigger and better things ahead of you! =) What follows as a result is loads of insomnia and the need to get a notepad and note down every possible way in which you can make said dream a reality! Your heart beats faster, your mind is minus half the mental blocks you had earlier and the drive you have is more than you knew you could ever have! Alas, the sun does rise and eventually you're gonna have to sleep, 'coz enthusiasm will only get you so far, but yeah, you can wake up 'coz now you're no longer supposed to JUST dream. =)

Now, I don't know know if this is a resolution or not, but I know I don't see it as one. For I don't believe in the fact that one needs a New Year to make one. The fact that I found new meaning near the New Year could be coincidence, or not. But, what I do know is, the start of something new and fresh, like your first day of school or work, has that effect on you automatically. It's a combination of nerves and excitement. You pack your bag with new stationary and books or you wear a new suit and get a new briefcase, and you leave your house/enter those school or office doors, with a renewed outlook and the hope that this is a chance to do things better.

So, as for this year being The Year Of The Kaylias? Well, one can only hope and strive towards it, lets see how it all pans out! ;) Good morning everyone, it's SHOW TIME! |-)

Blogtrack: The Resolution - Jack's Mannequin

Yes, I love JM, so sue me! =P

[You will find inner-peace and living in the past isn't what you want to do for too long, so, you'll soon find your way, just give yourself the chance and that breakthrough, be it 'coz of the new year or any other reason, just do it! Good luck, everyone! ;)]

Merry Christmas & A Happy New Year to you all! *<<<-| (Yes that's my personalized christmas tree emoticon - Copyright Kaylias! I know it's horizontal and all but, come on, I tried, and I'm rather proud of it either way! Lol xD)

Note: Sorry for the delay in posting this, it was supposed to be up by the 1st. But, had some issues with blogger while publishing this. So, yeah. =)

Emotional Quicksand

You know those moments of extreme excitement and adrenaline? Where you feel like you can conquer the world in a heartbeat. Everything you thought was lost or impossible, suddenly seems like the easiest, most achievable thing in the whole world. The bitches in your life, suddenly turn out to be wronged people just acting out and hardly seem as painful anymore. Your mishaps and tragedies then appear to be nothing less than a newfound disguised opportunity. There is a renewed spring in your once crippled step and much needed zest. You know those moments of extreme excitement and adrenaline?

Well, they are partnered with, or often preceded/followed by moments of extreme depression and submission. Suddenly, that energy is no longer present, as if siphoned out by some random disease-like force. Suddenly, that very same moment you saw everything as conquerable and worth the effort, now appears like a lapse in judgement and ludicrous! Those people are still the bitches you'll have to battle. The tragedies are just as tragic and there's no more blood pumping through your entire body. Those gigantic dreams and visions of grandeur and achievement are no longer plausible and you feel like you'd rather keep them in your head. You know those moments of extreme depression and submission?

I do. And they can really suck. Bad.

All you can do is try your best to take solace in the fact that sooner or later that moment of extreme excitement and adrenaline is going to make a comeback. When? Who knows. But, they do. So you keep working on those life plans in your head until that moment. 'Coz the second you let go and surrender yourself to the mental turmoil, you'll get dragged down eventually. And I know that. Sometimes you just can't fight your own gravity. What goes up must come down at some point. But, the beauty of it, is that it can go up again as well.

Just thought I'd get that out there. 

Blogtrack: Caves - Jack's Mannequin

[The walls will fall. Eventually.]

The Artful Roger!

www.facebook.com

I enter my email and password.

I check out my notifications. 

I barely skim through the list, for I'm too busy with some other more pressing matters. Just as I was getting closer down to the end, something catches my attention. 

"Anjali Agarwal has written on your wall." 

Now ordinarily, I would have just continued scanning the list, however, this was no ordinary notification. Simply because, there were three of the same! Yes, THREE! 

"Anjali Agarwal has written on your wall."

"Anjali Agarwal has written on your wall."
"Anjali Agarwal has written on your wall."

Could she have written and deleted it a few times in order to correct her wallpost and finally post it? I open my wall in a new tab and scroll down. My eyes widen as I spot three rather large, detailed wallposts. Nope, she actually posted THREE! I'm perplexed, yet curious. I start reading...

"You missed one heck of a match. so, it starts out well. Roger wins the first set 6-4. But gets broken early in the next set 0-2. it finally becomes 2-5, with Andy serving for the match. But Roger breaks his serve gets it up to 3-5. breaks ONCE MORE! 4-5. holds his serve. 5-5. they go into a tiebreak, and murray wins there. third set starts. and this is where I am so proud to say that I am a federer fan.

Fed's back pain starts getting worse and he calls the trainer on court. oh and get this. he informs Murray before he does it. I mean, who does that any more? What a classy guy! So he's getting treated for his back. they start to play the third set. andy breaks early once more. so nor roger is down 0-3. at the end of that game, roger sits on the linesperson's chair behind him, in complete pain. his back is killing him immensely. and at that moment, the commentators were all like - "he should retire. he's hurting. he can't go on any more. his back is gonna kill him" etc."

Post one ends. I'm hooked! The words practically aid my mind to recreate and replay every moment, move and ball. I could feel Federer's agony. I could feel Murray's frustration. I could feel the adrenaline pumping through me with great gusto! I could feel....more. The anticipation was eating me alive! I had to read on! I swiftly scroll up to the second post...

"and then, all of a sudden roger stands up with this determined look, shakes his head and gets the ball from the ball boy. he is not going to quit. He serves a great game. it's 1-3. then the next game, there's this brilliant drop shot. it was phenomenal. he breaks andy's serve! goes to 2-3. holds his own serve. 3-3..."

By now, I'm on the edge of my seat, just hanging onto every syllable! My fingers crossed so hard, all blood flow to my fingertips had been cut off! Come on, Fed! You can still do this! My heart starts beating faster, my breathing a lot heavier! I read on anxiously... 

"...and all this, while his back is killing him. i mean his first serve % was a measly 25. which is really pathetic. despite that, he breaks andy once again and goes up 4-3 and lets out this huge roar - "C'mon!!".. this is when i was like, ok, he can do it. he can win this. but unfortunately, andy broke back and so now it's 4-4. roger serves. it went to deuce 7 times. Andy had 2 break points. Roger didn't let him convert. its 5-4. andy serves. its 5-5..."

My head is pretty much a packed stadium of imagery by now! Each thought echoingand resonating throughout the chambers of my mind! The cheers. The screeching shoes on the court. The rackets thwacking the ball. The umpire calling out the score. The challenges. The...

"...andy breaks unfortunately."

SHIT.

"...its 6-5. and in the next game, andy had 7 match points. but roger denied them all!"

THAT'S IT, ROG! COME ON!

"...finally, andy won!"

Silence. The adrenaline reduced. My breathing slowed down. My mind started to wipe itself clean. I remain fixated at the screen. I am held spellbound and in awe of the legend, that is Roger Freakin' Federer!  

Expected a different reaction? Lol, well, I expected a different game. 

You see, as much as well say, it isn't about who wins and loses and that how you played through it all is what counts. That's not the case. I mean, it is. In a perfect world. But, as you all may have noticed by now, this world, our world, is faaaaar from perfect. In some ways that can be a good thing. But, in THIS case, it sucks. Why? Because, contrary to what the scoreboard showed, Roger Federer won that match! Roger Federer kicked Andy Murray's butt! Roger Federer walked off that court a champion in the end! And contrary to the ATP rankings as well...Roger Federer IS World Number ONE! 

So, shut up, throw your various score charts and newspaper clippings away and make sure as hell that you've actually WATCHED the afore mentioned match and all the previous ones played by this tennis superstar before offering your genius opinion at the end of this post! 

Thank you. 

Now, the truth is, that the game of tennis has evolved and come a long a way form the peaceful, sometimes boring, gentleman's game it once was. And, evolution isn't always good, I mean, take us, homo sapiens for example. Quite the curse to this planet, if you ask me. Hence, I stress on the word GENTLEMAN'S. Don't get me wrong, I know that women are aces at tennis as well. I watch their matches with as much interest. And they're awesome! =) However, this post is with regards to my favourite, Roger Federer, who, undoubtedly is a man, so I am going to discuss this sport from the male side of things on court for now. And either way, it's the men who constantly need controlling and manner checks. Women hardly, if ever, behave like hooligans or need to be disciplined. Their tennis has always been a pleasure to watch hence the stress on the men being gentle. xD

So, MEN'S tennis was and is still supposed to be a gentleman's game. Sort of like cricket. Which is another insult to the term gentleman, now as well. But, that's a different matter altogether, so don't even get me started on that! So, as for tennis living up to that tag. Sadly, it doesn't anymore. Yeah, so we all sit mum when they're playing their shots, and the umpire yells if we don't, but, that's pretty much it, in terms of discipline during the match. The point was, that the PLAYERS were the gentleman part of the sport. And over the years they've just screwed the gentle part of it and just come on court as men. And crazy ones at that. No, I am not asking for a gender change. I'm asking for an attitude change! Allow me to elaborate. 

Where has all the classiness of tennis gone?! The etiquette, the politeness, the off-court camaraderie, no matter what the on-court rivalry, but more importantly...Where is that sportsmanship spirit?! =O

Nowadays all we see is tantrums on court and off, tactics to distract/annoy the opponent, any form of cheating they can come up with, and disses in the press from one player to the other! And trust me, all these temper tantrums et al are far from flattering when had by GROWN men! I don't care who broke your serve, shut the hell up, be mature and get on with the match! Spare your dignity, lads! I'm not saying I don't find it amusing, I mean the soul yearns it's fair share of entertainment, but selfishness aside, it ruins the game [not to mention your name!]. 

However, if you're one of those people who wanna tarnish your tennis rep! Be my guest! In fact, here are some pointers for you when learning modern lawn tennis, noted down from the antics of some of this sport's greatest! 

How to play...Menace! =@

1. If you find yourself losing, just retire from tournament/match! Say you sprained an ankle or you pulled a hamstring or anything along the lines of physical injury during play. It's as simple as that! 

2. If you're doubtful of a win, before you've even started playing the match, just fail to show up entirely, citing an illness of some sort. The flu, Mono, SARS...whatever your index finger lands on in the medical dictionary. 

You think doing that is ridiculous? Well, one player even retired from a match because, get this, he had a sore throat! =S And last I checked, you didn't require your adam's apple to serve! Besides it's better off they can't speak, 'coz then they can't throw their extravagant tantrums or grunt while making shots. xP 

Which brings me to my next point.

3. Do anything. I repeat...absolutely ANYTHING to mess up your opponent's concentration/mood during a game. It'll save YOU loads of stamina and play-time. Some tips that have shown to work on even world number one, Roger Federer [Yes he STILL is in my books!], are:

a) Grunting when you hit a shot, whenever you find yourself losing the point.

b) Calling time outs saying you need your trainer. Even when nothing's really                          wrong. 'Coz how will anyone else really know, right? It'll disrupt your                                   opponent's concentration and give you plenty of time to rejuvenate and rest                         yourself!  

c) Challenging at the drop of a hat helps too. Sometimes, even when you KNOW it                     was out when you played or it was in when your opponent did. Challenge the shot                 anyway. 

4. When being interviewed make derogatory comments about your rivals and act like a complete ass. If interviewed after a match don't EVER compliment the player who you played against, irrespective of whether you won or lost, just talk about how awesome you were and that you can't wait to play again next and do way better like you're meant to. 

5. Curse a lot. Loudly. When you miss a shot or lose a point. And cheer for yourself real loud whenever you get a point. Be very animated. Throw your racket about while your at it. Props help. 

6. Get the umpire involved in your outbursts as well. He's got the best seat in the house, for God's sake! Give give him the total experience. Surround sound and 3-D! Yell a bit at him too! Just 'coz he's high up doesn't mean he can make the rules, right?! -_-

7. And last but not the least for sure, try your best to be an overall pompous arrogant ass, please? Don't smile. Look disgusted. You're the best. It's obvious. Own it. Everyone else is shit. Show off as much as possible. Spit on the court. And most importantly, make sure that you constantly pull out wedgies form your butt! Yes, I'm serious. And make sure EVERYONE can see, even those watching from home. 

Good. Now, that you've got all that nailed. You're all set to be a pro at Menace...I mean modern tennis. Which, if you ask me, is basically being a menace at tennis. *sigh* 

Believe it or not, the points above are based on stuff well-known players ACTUALLY do! I've seen it and so have you! Agh! See what I mean?! IDIOTS, I TELL YOU! 

I didn't name any players along with the above-mentioned antics, out of sheer respect for them and the fact that they too have skill. It's their behavior and tantrums that make them annoying. That's all. And even though that's a lot, I didn't want to make this blog a personal attack or distasteful in any way. So, guess away! Lol. The last point may be obvious but who doesn't talk about that anyway. Besides, he seems pretty comfortable showing the whole world his underwear-pull routine so, I'm just increasing his publicity, in that aspect of his "game". Haha! Anyways, like I said the point of this post was to show you that tennis is more than just playing well. It's about behaving well and having good on-court etiquette along with it all! 

And that's another area where Roger Federer beats out all the rest! And his skill at being an amazing person comes in! While he's busy being awesome on-court and he knows he's the best, he's still as humble as ever! And so charming! And as my friend, Anjali, also rightly said, he's got CLASS! Loads of it! He's always so calm and composed whether he's winning or losing. Playing a clean and disciplined game. No matter what! I mean, he even told Andy Murray that he would need his trainer because of his back, in advance. Anjali, you're right again! Who else does that anymore?! Who's so dutiful and awesome as to go and inform a player of a delay before hand these days? No one! Yet, he STILL does. Yes, people he's that perfect, so get over it! He had the worst back ache ever! He was practically on the floor, writhing in excruciating pain! And yet he fought on and played the entire match! And almost won it, at that! He had every right and, more importantly, every reason to retire from the match injured, but he bravely tried his best under the circumstances and attempted to beat Murray, who despite a VERY injured Federer had to REALLY fight for that win! A truly inspirational performance, by the world number one! This is WHY, we Federer fans, love the man! A fantastic player aside, he's a brilliant competitor and human being! And him being adorable and good looking is just an added bonus! Federer is poetry in motion. Even when he's not playing. xD 

He's always so polite, and dignified, even after losing his world number one title to Rafael Nadal! Seeing Nadal you don't see the same regal and larger-then-life personality and charm that Federer effortlessly emanates. Come on, even Nadal fans have got to admit that! Whether you like it or not, it's the truth. Even though, Nadal's number one right now, you just can't tell. I mean, you still feel Fed is! If it weren't for the rankings constantly reminding us the change in ranking, we'd have all forgotten by now! And none of this is bias just because I support Federer, it's true. It's just the way he carries himself. Nadal's never been more under the radar in his career than he is now, at the top spot. Federer and Nadal are miles apart, in more ways than one! Fed's just oozing class and humility from every pore in his body and he doesn't even have to. That's the beauty of it! He's just naturally nice, he chooses to be! You can't help but fall in love with the guy! An amazing player and an even more amazing man. Roger Federer - World Number 1. Always. Got that?! Good! I rest my case. Tennis is more than just gaining points and rising up the rankings. It's more than just being a good player. It's about being a good sport. And as far as that goes, Federer's one of the only players, if not the only one, out there who qualifies as the perfect tennis player. Both on-court and off. He's a true star! He renews your faith in the entire sport. And a bit in the human race too. And the truth is, my love for the sport will die along with Roger Federer's retirement. And that day I will mourn the end of tennis, itself! At least for me. 

So, here is a post which apart from celebrating Roger Federer the player, is mainly and actually a celebration of Roger Federer: The man. [Hence, the image choice for this post. Instead of the predictable one of him in poetic action! xD]

Anyway, this is not a post to insult any other player but, a post to congratulate and recognize Federer's brilliance. A tribute to him. I don't need to bring any other player down in order to show Federer up. He's a natural star! Roger, you rock! And no matter what the press or anyone else says, you're the best! And we can't wait to see you back at the official number one rank! [even though unofficially you never left that spot!] =)

Allez Roger! 

Blogtrack: World's Greatest - R. Kelly

[A beautiful song! Perfect for this post. Come on, Fed! You can do it! =D <3]

Note: Big thanks to my friend, Anjali, for triple-walling me =P and thus allowing me to somehow be a part of such an eye-opening match and eventually end up writing this long overdue tribute post. I thought I was a die-hard Federer fan, earlier, but after that match...WOW! Federer truly is my idol. And I'm pretty sure I'll make a believe out of those reading this too! Whether you want to admit or not. So, hop on board the FedExpress, there's ALWAYS room for more and no you won't be judged. Lol. Next stop: Official World Number One Rank! Huzzah! ;)]